Contributed by Anka 

Growing turmoil

It was Easter Sunday and I was on my way back home by train after visiting my family. I sat diagonally from a young woman, our two benches facing each other. Next stop a young man sat down next to her. He got comfortable spreading his legs wide open and almost touching the young woman’s legs. Her’s were crossed. She was closely leaning against the wall next to the window busying herself with her cellphone. How slim she was, taking almost no space on the bench. Moderate make up, moderately dressed, flattened long black hair. Nothing outrageous. What hit me were the lips unproportionally big compared to the rest of the body. Botox comes to mind.

At this point I was debating if I should jump in if her neighbor succeeded in touching her. I mean why do men have to be so confident in spreading their legs? Excuse me for generalizing. Botox lips irritate me, nevertheless I decided to defend her if need be. Her looks should never be an excuse for not taking her side in case of sexual harassment. So I kept controlling the sitting arrangements.
Meanwhile I was reading excerpts of Hildegard von Bingen’s book about her visions, Scivias – Know the way of the Lord. The language and argumentation didn’t speak to me. They felt indoctrinating.

I kept reading and controlling the widespread legs of the young man sitting next to the young woman with the slight frame. They were engaged now in separate conversations. She was talking to a girlfriend standing behind me about a drunk who was holding an almost empty bottle of sparkling wine (This is Germany.) in our compartment. He caused havoc because he needed to pee badly and there was no tollet on the train. “I know the German law”, he yelled. Alcohol inhibits the secretion of the antidiuretic hormone. It does not inhibit bad behavior. He was debating peeing into the trash container. She was laughing and said to her girlfriend that the drunk was wearing a sharp looking suit and complimented his blond dyed hair. He was forgiven. The widespread leg guy on his side was talking to his friends in another language. Time went by. I still did not like Scivias.

After what seemed like an eternity the young Lady with the Botox lips and her girlfriend left the train. The widespread legs guy moved over next to the window. His legs were closed now. His friend in a grey suit sat down next to him and opened his legs wide! Maybe it was the position of the seat? Maybe they were just trying to be further away from my legs?

While I was bouncing back and forth ideas of what I could do or say if need be, nothing really happened. People who noticed me on the train might have wondered about the old lady with the grumpy look on her face.

Writing down the whole event I realize there was nothing to feel upset about. Turmoil was me.